Sometimes it seems like God has forgotten about us, but let me tell you that he hasn't! Over the past few days (and the next few weeks!) I have had the opportunity to open my home to so many wonderful kids and it just makes me smile to think that God has given me this "training" opportunity! :)
Every time I begin to panic and wonder if I have it in me to care for more children God gives me a chance like this to prove to myself that I can do it, and I can enjoy doing it! Okay, I guess this post is really more for myself then it is for you guys, but I just wanted to have it in writing that "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
TRUTH.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Hello again!
So, as you may have guessed there really hasn't been too much going on with our adoption stuff. Mostly just waiting. A lot. I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the wait because the chaos is sure to follow. Kind of like the calm before the storm if you will. Not that things are ever very calm around here, but you get the idea :)
I called today to check on our fingerprints and the lady that I spoke with at the FBI (it was strange, I've never called the FBI before...) said that they should be arriving at our home study office at the beginning of next week. After those arrive they will begin to write our home study and we expect to see the draft in 2-3 weeks. Then we approve the home study, the draft is finalized and we are ready to go! It seems like things have been moving so slowly that it's beginning to become less and less real that we may very well have one or two more kids in our house by Christmas! For some reason Christmas has become my goal. I have this dream of a wonderful, cozy Christmas morning with our complete family. I can't wait to spoil these kids! Normally I am very frugal and not into giving Hunter too many gifts and such, but since the kids we will get have probably never experienced a BIG Christmas I really feel like it would be an amazing bonding time, plus it would give them some stuff to call their own! Anyway, enough dreaming for now...
The difficulty right now is that I want to make so many plans, but yet I don't want to commit to things we can't do. For example, there was a decent price on plane tickets to go home after the holidays, but how many tickets do I buy? Last night we purchased tickets to the monster truck show in January, 2 adult and 1 child. Hmmm... Guess we will just have to see how that works out! I certainly don't want to completely put our lives on hold while we wait, but I also don't want to open our family up and then not include our newest member(s)! Adoption is so crazy... but what a fun journey!
I guess that is all for now. I have a few blog posts bouncing around in my head, but I haven't yet had the opportunity to sit and type them out. Hopefully I will get to that soon. In the meantime I am enjoying spending time with our little family and praying for the sweet "forever child(ren)" that God has in mind for us!
Love you all!
B, E & H
I called today to check on our fingerprints and the lady that I spoke with at the FBI (it was strange, I've never called the FBI before...) said that they should be arriving at our home study office at the beginning of next week. After those arrive they will begin to write our home study and we expect to see the draft in 2-3 weeks. Then we approve the home study, the draft is finalized and we are ready to go! It seems like things have been moving so slowly that it's beginning to become less and less real that we may very well have one or two more kids in our house by Christmas! For some reason Christmas has become my goal. I have this dream of a wonderful, cozy Christmas morning with our complete family. I can't wait to spoil these kids! Normally I am very frugal and not into giving Hunter too many gifts and such, but since the kids we will get have probably never experienced a BIG Christmas I really feel like it would be an amazing bonding time, plus it would give them some stuff to call their own! Anyway, enough dreaming for now...
The difficulty right now is that I want to make so many plans, but yet I don't want to commit to things we can't do. For example, there was a decent price on plane tickets to go home after the holidays, but how many tickets do I buy? Last night we purchased tickets to the monster truck show in January, 2 adult and 1 child. Hmmm... Guess we will just have to see how that works out! I certainly don't want to completely put our lives on hold while we wait, but I also don't want to open our family up and then not include our newest member(s)! Adoption is so crazy... but what a fun journey!
I guess that is all for now. I have a few blog posts bouncing around in my head, but I haven't yet had the opportunity to sit and type them out. Hopefully I will get to that soon. In the meantime I am enjoying spending time with our little family and praying for the sweet "forever child(ren)" that God has in mind for us!
Love you all!
B, E & H
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Preparations
Yesterday it occurred to me that I haven't really discussed some of the preparations we have been making to get ready for our new little one(s)! So, I figured now was a great time to let you know how we are trying to prepare ourselves and our home for the changes we will be making.
One of the most difficult parts is just not knowing what to expect. I mean, I don't know about you, but I am definitely a "type A, plan everything out, plan for every contingency and then execute" kind of person. Ben is as well. For that reason this is taking us entirely out of our comfort zone because we have NO IDEA what is going to happen. We really can't predict a timeline, although our personal goal is to have our new family together by Christmas. We don't know what ages, genders, race or even how many children to expect! It's such a vastly different experience from a pregnancy. Sure, sometimes for various reasons you don't know the gender of the baby, but at least you know what age the child will be! :)
This is quite the adventure, folks! There is no "What to Expect when You are Adopting" book out there. I mean, sure, we went to training that gave us a lot of ideas about what we might see or expect, but it was certainly just the beginning. This complete lack of knowing what to expect is one of the interesting things that sets domestic and foster adoption apart from every other type of adoption. What a thrill! All the other families we know who have adopted at least knew before they got their child what the gender and age of that child was. There are always surprises, both with adoption and with biological children, but this may certainly be the biggest surprise of our lifetimes!
As an example of the confusion involved I'll try to explain about our spare bedroom. We were trying to get our spare bedroom (currently an office) ready, but where to begin? We removed the four giant bookshelves and placed them in the living room and the master bedroom. Then we took the desk and put it into the master bedroom. You might be wondering if the master bedroom is full yet. The answer is yes :) So, now we have an almost empty bedroom, but what do we fill it with? A crib? Bunk beds? Do we paint it pink, blue or green? See, the part of me that loves to plan everything out wants to have the room perfectly put together so our child/ren can see that we were waiting for them, but the reality is that it's impossible to know what we will need! So we wait :)
We have the same dilemma for clothing, bedding, sheets, socks, shoes, toys... I guess we will just go on a MEGA shopping spree once we know what we will need! The exciting part about this is that we can choose exactly what that child loves. How fun!
In the meantime we are keeping busy by reading some great books on child-rearing and discipline. This is one area that makes me nervous. Discipline is difficult enough with my four year old that I raised, but to take another child who has probably seen and experienced more difficulties in his/her young life than I will ever experience and mold them to what I think they should be... wow. What a responsibility! I understand Hunter. I know his moods and his quirks. I know that when he gets really grumpy it's probably because he's thirsty. I know that if you raise your voice at him he will most likely cry. With a child that I haven't raised from birth how will I know all this? I realize that I will learn it all in time, but I also know that it will be a difficult beginning. That's why Ben and I are doing our best to equip ourselves with any knowledge that may help us when that time comes, but we hardly know where to begin. If you have read (or even heard of) any great books that may help us please share! We are open to any ideas and suggestions.
Well, there is just a little glimpse into the planning that we are doing. I feel like we should be doing sooooooooooooooo much more, but how do you plan for the unknown?
Have a blessed day!
Love,
B, E & H
One of the most difficult parts is just not knowing what to expect. I mean, I don't know about you, but I am definitely a "type A, plan everything out, plan for every contingency and then execute" kind of person. Ben is as well. For that reason this is taking us entirely out of our comfort zone because we have NO IDEA what is going to happen. We really can't predict a timeline, although our personal goal is to have our new family together by Christmas. We don't know what ages, genders, race or even how many children to expect! It's such a vastly different experience from a pregnancy. Sure, sometimes for various reasons you don't know the gender of the baby, but at least you know what age the child will be! :)
This is quite the adventure, folks! There is no "What to Expect when You are Adopting" book out there. I mean, sure, we went to training that gave us a lot of ideas about what we might see or expect, but it was certainly just the beginning. This complete lack of knowing what to expect is one of the interesting things that sets domestic and foster adoption apart from every other type of adoption. What a thrill! All the other families we know who have adopted at least knew before they got their child what the gender and age of that child was. There are always surprises, both with adoption and with biological children, but this may certainly be the biggest surprise of our lifetimes!
As an example of the confusion involved I'll try to explain about our spare bedroom. We were trying to get our spare bedroom (currently an office) ready, but where to begin? We removed the four giant bookshelves and placed them in the living room and the master bedroom. Then we took the desk and put it into the master bedroom. You might be wondering if the master bedroom is full yet. The answer is yes :) So, now we have an almost empty bedroom, but what do we fill it with? A crib? Bunk beds? Do we paint it pink, blue or green? See, the part of me that loves to plan everything out wants to have the room perfectly put together so our child/ren can see that we were waiting for them, but the reality is that it's impossible to know what we will need! So we wait :)
We have the same dilemma for clothing, bedding, sheets, socks, shoes, toys... I guess we will just go on a MEGA shopping spree once we know what we will need! The exciting part about this is that we can choose exactly what that child loves. How fun!
In the meantime we are keeping busy by reading some great books on child-rearing and discipline. This is one area that makes me nervous. Discipline is difficult enough with my four year old that I raised, but to take another child who has probably seen and experienced more difficulties in his/her young life than I will ever experience and mold them to what I think they should be... wow. What a responsibility! I understand Hunter. I know his moods and his quirks. I know that when he gets really grumpy it's probably because he's thirsty. I know that if you raise your voice at him he will most likely cry. With a child that I haven't raised from birth how will I know all this? I realize that I will learn it all in time, but I also know that it will be a difficult beginning. That's why Ben and I are doing our best to equip ourselves with any knowledge that may help us when that time comes, but we hardly know where to begin. If you have read (or even heard of) any great books that may help us please share! We are open to any ideas and suggestions.
Well, there is just a little glimpse into the planning that we are doing. I feel like we should be doing sooooooooooooooo much more, but how do you plan for the unknown?
Have a blessed day!
Love,
B, E & H
Monday, October 3, 2011
If you can't say anything nice...
I remember being told as a child, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Right now I just have to bite my tongue, but know that there really isn't any exciting news here. Just slowly making our way through the process, battling a few problems but hopefully nothing that will hold us back in the long run.
In the meantime we have been super busy around here! We are finally getting into the swing of things by balancing school, housework, AWANA, FRG, Bible study and all of the millions of little things that seem to come along each week. Last week was Military Police week so we had a lot of fun doing activities for that and attending the MP Ball. It was a fun evening, but it sure is a lot of preparation for one night! I'm glad that it's over for another year :)
If you think about it, pray for us this week, specifically that we will overcome the frustrations and feel like we are making some forward progress. We are hopefully very close to getting our FBI fingerprints back (I think it has been almost 8 weeks, so we really should see them any day now!) and that should be the last key piece needed to finalize our home study and begin looking at children to place in our family!
Love you all, thanks for being a part of this with us!
B, E & H
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Process
So, we have gotten a lot of questions about the process of adopting (at least our process) so I thought I would just write and explain a little about the whole process and where we are at, etc. Let me start with a disclaimer; EVERY FAMILY HAS A DIFFERENT PROCESS. Things are different between each country, state, agency, and even each family! So, I'm explaining our process and it may be vastly different from what you have heard or even experienced, but that's okay! Here goes:
Step 1: Deciding to adopt :) This is the easy step (really it's a HUGE decision! But you get my drift...)
We had been thinking about this for a long time but decided to take the leap in December 2010
Step 2: Where to adopt from? We weighed our options, but we really felt that domestic was the best choice for us for many reasons. For one thing, travelling outside of the country would be nearly impossible for Ben while he is in command. But aside from that we also felt that there was no real need to go elsewhere when there are many children right here in the U.S. who need loving homes just as much as orphans in other countries.
Step 3: Find an agency Well, here is where things get "fuzzy" for us. We chose an agency. We loved them, and still love what they do, but apparently it was not meant to be because things didn't work out as we planned. So we chose another agency, and that also fell through. SO, now we are going to work with Washington State DSHS and not use an agency. So, while you can have an agency, and most people do have one, it's not necessary for domestic adoption.
We contacted the first agency at the beginning of January 2011 and the second agency in June 2011
Step 4: Training! This is the part where it's not so fun. Training. Washington requires (for some cases, not all) PRIDE training. It's thirty hours of mind-numbing information all about children in the foster care system in the state of Washington. We completed our PRIDE training in April and were quite glad to be done with it! Then we also completed classes on blood borne pathogens and CPR. If you are working with an agency you will also have to do some type of an introduction class for the agency (we have also done this). There is plenty of training, and hopefully it will pay off when we have a new child or children!
We completed our PRIDE training in April 2011
Step 5: PAPERWORK This is the part that seems to never end. We did paperwork after PRIDE training, and then paperwork for each of the agencies (who we are no longer working with). The next step also involves more paperwork, but you'll see that in a second...
We started the paperwork after PRIDE (April 2011) and I'm pretty sure it will never end... :)
Step 6: Home study This part is also different for everyone. Because we don't have an agency we had to hire a private home study agency to complete our home study. In our case it was relatively simple, we called and the social worker was able to come out the following week. He sat down with Ben and I and asked a lot of questions and then toured our home. The home study requires a lot of different things from FBI fingerprints, background checks, recommendations, medical check ups, a LOT of paperwork (we are talking hundreds of pages, honestly!) and of course the home visit. The home study is the key to the rest of the adoption, but right now we are stuck waiting for the FBI to finish processing our fingerprints so they can tell us that we aren't criminals. :) The fingerprints usually take somewhere from 6-13 weeks to process and we submitted these sometime in mid-August so we should be getting close to hearing something. We are really hoping to be "home study ready" by the end of October.
We began the home study in August 2011
Step 7: Find our "forever child/ren" After our home study is complete we will be registered in the WARE (Washington Adoption Resources Exchange) database which will serve two purposes. 1: It will allow us to search and see children who are currently in the system. 2: It will allow social workers in the state access to our profile so that a social worker can potentially contact us with a child or children who fit our criteria. We are very anxious to get to this step so that we can actually work on finding our child/ren!
Step 8: Placement Once we identify the child or children that we are interested in we will probably have a few visits and slowly transition the child into our home. This can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months depending on many factors.
Step 9: Finalizing the adoption The final step in the process will be to finalize the adoption. The state of Washington requires at least six months between placement and finalization, so the child/ren will have to live with us for at least six months before they are "ours" as far as the state is concerned. However, obviously we will consider the child ours as soon as they are welcomed into our home and we pray that our friends and family will do the same. All of the children that we will be looking to adopt will be "legally free" meaning that all of the parental rights have been terminated so there is no chance of the child going back with their biological parents. Because we don't know exactly how long we will be stationed at Fort Lewis we agreed that this was the only way we would ever have time to finalize an adoption. It typically takes about two years from the time the child is removed from his or her home to the time that the state terminates the rights of the biological parents. It is a loooooooooong process and time is NOT on our side!
Well, there you have it. We are currently on step 6 and we are hoping that we will be on to step 7 soon! As soon as our home study is done we will be able to have a child placed in our home and we are praying that it will be quick. For the sake of our waiting child/ren we really hope that they will be with us by Christmas, but we know that it is all in God's hands!
I hope that helps you to understand some of this crazy ride that we have been on! Thank you for all of the prayers and kind words of encouragement, they really mean a lot to us. Especially on the days where it all seems like it will never come together. Love you all!
B, E & H
Friday, September 23, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Blessings
Hello, friends!
I had another post in the works, but I really felt inspired to share with you a little bit of what God has been doing around here. First, I have to tell you about the MANY people that we have discovered through this adoption process who are also inspired to adopt. When we were first thinking about adoption we really had a fear that adopting a child into a military family might not be the best thing for the child. Boy were we wrong!
At the time we really only knew one family who had adopted. While they are the most humble and Godly family, I'm going to brag on them a little bit because they have been such an inspiration to us. I met the mom of this family in my MOPS group in Missouri. I was immediately drawn to her sparkling eyes and sweet smile, but more intriguing to me was the fact that she had two two-year olds. What's so special about that? Well, one was blond haired and looked JUST like her mama's clone, while the other has the most beautiful chocolate skin and curly black hair and they were obviously not both her children. After striking up a conversation with this amazing woman I found out that she has five sweet children, two biological, two from China and one from Haiti. Oh, and her husband was in Korea for a year. WOW! God used this family to help us overcome our biggest fear! These children (two of them have major medical issues) were not hurt by being in a military family, instead the whole family was blessed because of their choice to adopt. What a story!
When we moved here to Washington we chose a church pretty quickly. We didn't choose the church because of this, but we soon found out that the pastor and his sweet wife had three beautiful children from Korea. At this point we're thinking... Okay, God, we get it... We had the privilege of watching this family bring home a fourth child who has "designer genes." Sweet Ella Grace, who couldn't walk when she came home, has made amazing progress and has been such a source of joy to everyone who meets her. What an inspiration this family has been to us through the whole process. Their support has been more than we could have ever asked for, and just being able to witness their family grow has been a miracle to us.
Friends, if that were all this wouldn't be a God story! Everywhere we have turned lately it seems that someone else is adopting. When we were still on the fence about adopting I mentioned something about it to a dear friend of mine who was travelling to Ethiopia on a mission trip. She then told me that she was hoping to find a little girl there to adopt. Her sweet daughter is now home with her! When we finally told our neighbors about the adoption (we were a few months into the process at this point) they told us that they had always wanted to adopt and now they are also in the process of adopting out of foster care! A new neighbor friend that just moved in was adopting when she found out she was pregnant. Now she is thinking of becoming a foster parent. Every time I tell someone that we are adopting we find out that they have always thought about it or want more information. God is doing something BIG and I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of it!
I know that not everyone is called to adopt, so please don't misunderstand me. What I do want to get across is that our God is RELENTLESS when he is pursuing us. Ben and I came up with every possible excuse about why we shouldn't and couldn't adopt but God was not going to just let us go. He has continually pursued us and shown us that we can do this, and that we just need to rely on him. So, my question for you is what is God after you about? What has he been chasing you down with? Maybe it's something life altering or maybe it's just something small like mending a broken relationship. Whatever it is, I pray that you will give in to God and watch him pour his blessings out over you. God is good!!!
Love you, friends!
B, E & H
I had another post in the works, but I really felt inspired to share with you a little bit of what God has been doing around here. First, I have to tell you about the MANY people that we have discovered through this adoption process who are also inspired to adopt. When we were first thinking about adoption we really had a fear that adopting a child into a military family might not be the best thing for the child. Boy were we wrong!
At the time we really only knew one family who had adopted. While they are the most humble and Godly family, I'm going to brag on them a little bit because they have been such an inspiration to us. I met the mom of this family in my MOPS group in Missouri. I was immediately drawn to her sparkling eyes and sweet smile, but more intriguing to me was the fact that she had two two-year olds. What's so special about that? Well, one was blond haired and looked JUST like her mama's clone, while the other has the most beautiful chocolate skin and curly black hair and they were obviously not both her children. After striking up a conversation with this amazing woman I found out that she has five sweet children, two biological, two from China and one from Haiti. Oh, and her husband was in Korea for a year. WOW! God used this family to help us overcome our biggest fear! These children (two of them have major medical issues) were not hurt by being in a military family, instead the whole family was blessed because of their choice to adopt. What a story!
When we moved here to Washington we chose a church pretty quickly. We didn't choose the church because of this, but we soon found out that the pastor and his sweet wife had three beautiful children from Korea. At this point we're thinking... Okay, God, we get it... We had the privilege of watching this family bring home a fourth child who has "designer genes." Sweet Ella Grace, who couldn't walk when she came home, has made amazing progress and has been such a source of joy to everyone who meets her. What an inspiration this family has been to us through the whole process. Their support has been more than we could have ever asked for, and just being able to witness their family grow has been a miracle to us.
Friends, if that were all this wouldn't be a God story! Everywhere we have turned lately it seems that someone else is adopting. When we were still on the fence about adopting I mentioned something about it to a dear friend of mine who was travelling to Ethiopia on a mission trip. She then told me that she was hoping to find a little girl there to adopt. Her sweet daughter is now home with her! When we finally told our neighbors about the adoption (we were a few months into the process at this point) they told us that they had always wanted to adopt and now they are also in the process of adopting out of foster care! A new neighbor friend that just moved in was adopting when she found out she was pregnant. Now she is thinking of becoming a foster parent. Every time I tell someone that we are adopting we find out that they have always thought about it or want more information. God is doing something BIG and I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of it!
I know that not everyone is called to adopt, so please don't misunderstand me. What I do want to get across is that our God is RELENTLESS when he is pursuing us. Ben and I came up with every possible excuse about why we shouldn't and couldn't adopt but God was not going to just let us go. He has continually pursued us and shown us that we can do this, and that we just need to rely on him. So, my question for you is what is God after you about? What has he been chasing you down with? Maybe it's something life altering or maybe it's just something small like mending a broken relationship. Whatever it is, I pray that you will give in to God and watch him pour his blessings out over you. God is good!!!
Love you, friends!
B, E & H
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