Thursday, February 21, 2013

Beautiful Storm

I'm sitting here, in my big, empty house, listening to the sounds of thunder and sleet. And it's beautiful. Not the house - it's a mess. But the silence and solitude are beautiful. Partly because it means that we are all HEALTHY again (praise Jesus! This tired mama needed a break!!!) and partly because it means that I can finally focus on more than just surviving.

This past month, well actually the past couple months, have been pretty trying. Dealing with pneumonia (me), costocondritis (Ben - seriously, who even knew that this existed?!?!) and then Hunter having some unknown awful infection has just been the icing on the cake. But in the end we have survived. It may not have been pretty, but we made it. And we are soooooooo looking forward to finally having some time together as a family. Which is also kind of ironic since just a month ago, after living together in a small hotel room for a week, we would have probably been singing a different tune. Boy does time change things!

I do realize that this blog started as a way to journal our adoption story. And as much as it stinks, right now I have no idea if and when that journey will continue. It's so crazy to think that things can change so quickly, but I guess that's just life. I think I may have mentioned this before (if I did please forgive me for repeating myself,) but we have done some research and it is pretty much impossible for us to pursue adopting from foster care here in Arkansas. Not that it's impossible to do, just that the amount of time that we anticipate being here isn't long enough to do all of the work that it will take to become eligible to adopt here. Unfortunately we would basically have to start over since we have a new house in a different state (so we would need a new home study), we don't have an AR state foster license, and the process is such that it just takes a while to complete. Disappointing? YES! But we were pretty much expecting it to be that way. And unfortunately there isn't a whole lot we can do since Ben doesn't really get much say in where and when we move.

That said, we are still open to the idea of adoption and certainly don't feel like it is an impossibility for our family! The best we can do for right now is just to be patient (see, there's that awful word again!) and wait for God's direction. There are so many lessons that I have learned during this whole process and one that keeps knocking me over is that I can't rush God's timing. Abraham and Sarah waited much longer than I have been waiting, and David was anointed 15 years before he took the throne. God's timing is so much better than ours and the more that I try to push things to happen in my time, the worse it goes. So instead I'm going to focus on all of the other blessings that I have, be content, and keep waiting to see what God has in store for the Feicht family! Who knows what may happen, but I am excited to watch God write our story so that when others hear it they know, without a doubt, that God was the author.

So today I am trying to just take a little time to focus on some of the little things that I have been neglecting while I was playing patient and nurse. Like the fact that I am the assistant director for a budding non-profit. And I have a 30 page IRS Application for Recognition of Exemption Under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code packet that I need to be working on. And a few million loads of laundry. And some dishes. And a lunch date with some new friends. And... well, you get the point! It's not like there isn't anything to do!

Thank you all for all the prayers while we were moving, and sick! Our God is so much bigger than our problems and our disappointments. I am so grateful that HE is the one that directs our paths!

Love you all!

B, E & H

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Be Still

So, Ben was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon (praise God!) but we don't really have any answers. Thankfully he is feeling a lot better, but I was selfishly hoping to have some answers so that we know if this is an ongoing issue or if it's just a one time thing!

The doctor indicated that it is most likely a viral thing (potentially the same thing that cause my pneumonia) which has caused some inflammation and fluid build up around his heart. There was also a slight abnormality on his EKG which most likely is no big deal, but the doctor wants to do more testing just to be certain that there isn't any underlying cause for the abnormality. We weren't able to get the echo cardiogram that we need to confirm this because the one tech that can do it is on vacation (oh the joys of living in a small town...) and we can't even get it scheduled because our insurance will only allow our primary doctor (who Ben hasn't even met) to schedule outpatient tests. Gotta love government insurance! Sigh...

So, I'm super glad to have Ben back home and feeling better, but still praying that we can at least figure out what is going on! One thing that I'm becoming more and more scared of is that there is something in this house that really is making us sick, or at least causing our immune systems to be much more susceptible to illness. I am going to be doing some testing for mold, though I'm really praying that there isn't any harmful mold in the house because from what I have read there is no law in Arkansas which protects us and quite honestly, there is no where else for us to rent. And I really don't want to be moving all our stuff AGAIN. On the other hand, we can't keep fighting off major illnesses like this for the duration of the time that we are stationed here!

One discovery we did make (while doing a quick search for mold in the house) is that our central heat & air system was running without a filter in it. AWESOME. The dirty (and I mean DIRTY) filter had been removed and set right next to the system, but hadn't been replaced. Soooo... this morning I ran to the local hardware store and bought the best filter they had. I also ordered some of the best possible filters online so that maybe, just maybe, we can start breathing some cleaner air around here! And just for fun (and because we really don't have anything better to be doing) our toilet isn't working properly. Sigh...

So, I guess the moral of the story is that God is just teaching us to BE STILL. 

 "Be still, and know that I am God; 
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. 
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." 
 Psalm 46:10-11

One of the things that really excited us about moving here to Arkansas was the ability to take life a little slower. We have been going a mile a minute for pretty much our entire marriage, and we were really hoping that this would be an opportunity to not worry about deployments, maybe not work quite as much, and just generally have the chance to be together as a family and live a little slower paced life than we had been. With all this sickness we certainly have been moving pretty slow! Though I am hoping to keep up with the slower pace and the simpler life, I am hoping that maybe we can move past the sickness and instead simply be slow and obedient. I want to be still. I want to see God exalted in our lives. We know that He is with us, even through all of the trials, but I want it to be plain to those around us that God is exalted in our home and I want to be still enough that we can hear his voice and have the time to be obedient to whatever it is that He may call us to do.

Thank you for the prayers, we really appreciate it. And we are so blessed to have so many faithful friends who love us even through all of the difficulties. We want to be able to return that favor and be a blessing to those around us!

Love you all,

B, E & H

Monday, February 4, 2013

Prayers, please!


I really was trying to keep this blog *mostly* adoption related, but I know that there are lots of prayer warriors out there reading this and I need your help!

If you read my last post I mentioned that I had some kind of crud. Turns out that crud was pneumonia and it knocked me down hard. It's been about two and a half weeks and I am finally feeling better, though I still have a pretty wicked cough. Yesterday after church Ben asked me to drive home because he wasn't feeling well (if you know my husband you know that this is a HIGHLY unusual request - he always drives!) By the time we got home he was extremely dizzy and having chest pains. So off we went to the ER. I need to quickly mention that in our 8 years of marriage neither one of us has gone to a Dr. for any type of illness, let alone pneumonia and an ER trip!!! Anyway, Ben had to stay overnight at the hospital and they are still trying to figure out exactly what is going on. They have ruled out the possibility of a heart attack (thank God!) but that doesn't really give us any answers. He is feeling much better, but that is mostly due to the medication that he has been given. They have run lots of different tests and right now the theory is that it could be a viral thing that is causing swelling and inflammation around his heart. We are waiting to have some more tests done to see if they can find any swelling.

Please be praying for us. This has been a TOUGH month or two. Between the redeployment, moving and now all of this sickness we are just worn out and worn down. It really feels like we are being attacked in every possible way and so we need all of you to be praying for us to get through this quickly and triumphantly!!!

Hunter has been SUCH a trooper through all of this craziness and sickness. I am so amazed at the strength and adaptability of this sweet boy. And I am even more amazed at God's provision. We have had so many people (who we barely know!) step up and offer to help in so many ways. We are truly blessed!!!

Love you all, and I promise to keep you updated if we find anything out. I'm heading back to the hospital to check on my husband and hopefully bring him home soon. For now Ben is stable, I am recovering and Hunter is doing wonderful. Praise God!


B, E & H