I'm really working on taking that to heart. Not being anxious for anything, I mean. Some days are much easier than others! It's been another rough week around here. It amazes me how we are so vunerable to attack when our spouse isn't around.
So that I don't sound like a total complainer I'll give you all a quick highlight of my week before I ask you for prayers for a few things :)
Tuesday morning, while having coffee and chatting with two of my favorite friends, my home phone rang. Which usually means someone soliciting or some annoying political poll. Despite my misgivings I decided to answer it just in case it was my mom or Ben. On the other end of the line I heard a familiar voice that I haven't heard for probably 7 years! It was Brother Ed Phelan, asking if I was free to meet for lunch that very day!!!
Now, if you don't know who I'm talking about (which probably most of you wouldn't!) I'll back up and give you a quick story. After graduating college I joined the LaSallian Volunteers, which was a division of Americorp Volunteers. This meant that in July, after graduation, I moved to the Bronx, NY to live with three De LaSalle Christian Brothers, and four other volunteers. We all lived in this big, beautiful old Victorian style house right in the Bronx and worked at various places in NYC. A couple of the volunteers worked at the Christian Brothers high school because they had teaching degrees, I worked at Highbridge Community Life Center with Br. Ed. At Highbridge I had two jobs; I was the assistant to the executive director (Br. Ed himself!) and after 3:00 I went over to help with the after school program where I tutored and worked with 1st-3rd grade underprivileged students. It was an AMAZING experience both living in a community as well as working at Highbridge. I still claim that I was the only blonde in the Bronx.
Anyway, Br. Ed was my boss and he was also my house mate so he was a large part of my life in the Bronx. All eight of my house mates made it out to our wedding and after Ben and I got married we made it out to NYC to visit once, but that was in the first year of our marriage and it was the last time that I spoke to Br. Ed other than email. So to hear his voice was quite a surprise! And the best part is that I was actually free to have lunch with him!!!
We met and had a couple minutes before I had to drop Hunter off at school. Then Br. Ed and I sat down at my favorite local restaurant and chatted for hours. Literally. Seven years is a long time to have to catch up on! I filled Br. Ed in on all this adoption stuff and he told me about his travels and how not much has really changed in NY. Boy did it make me want to visit the Bronx!
During the course of our conversation and explaining the foster system and adoption and all of that it really became so crystal clear just exactly how broken the system is. I really wish I knew where to start and how to "fix" the system. The problem is that I really don't think that there is a way. Where human nature is involved things are just messy. And there is no way that you can write laws and create a system that allows for each individual case to be considered in the way that it should be. And unfortunately that puts a lot of the decision making into the hands of the social workers and judges who become so desensitized to all of it. It's so hard to determine when to keep giving the birth parents more and more chances, and when to just cut ties and allow the child to become legally free. I'm glad that I don't have to be the one responsible for those decisions. Of course it would be wonderful to see the birth parents solve whatever issue was keeping them from successfully parenting and see each child returned to their parents. That would be amazing. However, it is seldom the case that it happens that way. Instead the children are bounced around through the system for years and years and by the time the decision is finally made to legally free the child from the birth parents the child is 12 or older and has a much greater chance of aging out of the system than being adopted. Heart breaking. Really.
So, please be praying for opportunities for us to make a change. I don't yet know how. Or what exactly it will look like. But I do know that this isn't right. It's not fair to the children. And that's the greatest concern.
I'll get off my soapbox now and just say that it was such an awesome surprise to get to visit with an old friend! Especially when it was so unexpected! Truly a blessing.
Like I said before, I have still been feeling so attacked. This week nothing has broken (praise Jesus!) but so far it has been just as crazy! I'll spare you all the details and just ask that you be praying. I actually think that I'm handling it all pretty well but I am ready for it to be over. Also please be praying for Ben. He's been super busy and we haven't talked to him in quite a while. I get an occasional short email so I know that he's fine, but he has been really busy and I'm sure he has to be exhausted.
Thank you for the prayers!
Love you all!
B, E & H
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