A couple of days ago I received a call from our social worker with our agency. I wasn't able to answer right away since I was dropping Hunter off at school, but my initial reaction when I saw her number appear on my phone was one of complete frustration. Luckily for her I had a few minutes to gather my thoughts on the drive home before I returned her call. I hate to admit that I immediately became defensive upon seeing her number on my cell, but it has been over a month since we last were in contact and in my opinion that is too long! However, I called her back and had a decent conversation about how and why everything fell apart with V.
In the course of our conversation a few interesting things came up. First, I was able to voice my frustration with one particular person involved in the case. Turns out that this person had also managed to step on the toes of my agency as well. So, we discussed where to go from here and my worker should be getting back with me regarding someone who I can file a complaint with. My goal is not necessarily to get this person in trouble, but I just don't want any other families to be treated the way that we were treated.
My SW also asked me if we wanted to be put back on the list as an eligible family. First, I didn't know that we weren't on the list, but I guess that's okay since I really don't want to go through that again with Ben gone. We had a very frank discussion about how to proceed, but the answer is honestly that I just don't know. Here is what I do know right now:
-Ben will get home sometime next month. I do not want to bring a child into our home before Ben gets back. Also, there is a period of reintegration after Ben's homecoming which I want to get through before we consider adding another family member. We also bought tickets to go home for Christmas so we really can't take a child until after the new year.
-We have no idea if/when we will be moving. Ben has recieved some conflicting information regarding this which means we could be moving anytime from about February on. Again, not great news for adopting.
-Washington state requires that the child live with us for a minimum of 6 months before we can finalize an adoption.
-A new (interesting?) fact that I found out is that IF we have a child placed with us and get orders to move we can request that the state allow us to take the child with us. However, this scares me. The few times we have tried to do something "out of the ordinary" so far it hasn't worked out well. So while this is good information to know, it's not something that I want to count on. The state could certainly deny our request and then we could be right back where we are now. While we will store this information, for right now we don't really feel like it's something that we want to intentionally do.
So, what does all this mean? I'm glad you asked!
True to self, it means that I begin freaking out, wondering what in the world we are supposed to do. It seems almost impossible that we will be able to adopt in WA, but there is a very good chance that our next move (or possibly even the next two moves) will be for fairly short periods of time since one of those should involve an Army school that is about a year long. With my mind whirring I quickly realized that the bottom line is that it will most likely be years before we can actually adopt. So naturally, I panic. Which mostly means that I start sending frantic emails to Ben (in hindsight I bet he actually is glad that he isn't here sometimes because the worst I can do is email him right now! ha!)
A while back (months ago actually) I impulsively bought a book that has been sitting on my nightstand ever since. After finishing a series and really mostly because I had nothing else to read I grabbed this book and dove in. Oh. My. Goodness. As usual God met me right where I was at, right in the moment that I needed a big flashing neon sign telling me to just slow down and sit. Line after line, scripture after scripture this amazing book was laying out everything that I needed to hear at the very moment that I was most open to it. I'm trying to resist copying sections of the book for you to see what I mean, but the overall point is this: We are created to be a part of God's plan. We can not mess this up. We are called to wait on Him and enjoy his peace and joy. God does not need us to meddle in His plans. He does not need us to accomplish His purposes in our lives. We are to sit back and wait for his guidance.
See what I mean???
I confess that I am only halfway through the book, but this is GOOD STUFF. I am trying to soak it all in. And I'm pretty sure that when I finish it I will open it right back up to the beginning and read it again just to make sure that I retain a little bit of the wisdom that it contains.
I am so glad to serve this amazing God who daily meets me where I am and gently reminds me who I am. I am a child of God, created by Him. He loves me. And He doesn't expect me to do everything on my own. He will equip me for the things that I am to accomplish. And if I go astray, as I am bound to do, He is a God of second chances. WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!!
So here I am today. Enjoying a moment of peace and quiet after having three amazing kiddos terrorizing my house this morning. The house is a mess, there are probably a ton of other things I should be doing, but for this moment I am going to bask in the peace and the joy of my Creator. And I know that no matter what happens, if we have the opportunity to add another wonderful child to our family or if we remain a family of three, I am only responsible for answering the call of God when I hear it. The details? Those are all up to Him! (sigh...) What a relief!
Love you all!
B, E & H
P.S. Quick update: The truck seems to be doing okay! The tire is holding air and it has been consistently starting up. YAY! The washing machine also seems to be holding up too. Ben's computer seems to pretty much be dead, but we will deal with that when he gets back. The grass is also dead, so the lawnmower can wait until springtime. And thank you for your prayers because nothing else has broken! Thank God for miracles!
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