Sigh...

Three months. Today makes three months that Ben has been gone. Hopefully just one more! I can't really complain since four months is an amazingly short deployment. Almost a year shorter than the last, ha! But wow, I'm still amazed at how hard it has been and how much chaos has been crammed into these three crazy months since he has been gone.

It's been a bit of a rough week around here. We were super busy, which is usually great because it helps the time pass, but for some reason both Hunter and I have just been really struggling through this week. Our poor neighbors were witnesses to some of it tonight as Hunter had a COMPLETE meltdown when I told him that we were going to go home in a minute. Usually he's totally fine and cooperates with no problem. On a bad night he might whine about it. Tonight, it was a screaming, crying fit that lasted all the way home, up the stairs and commenced with him getting in big trouble. Not exactly the way that I wanted to end a nice evening with friends. Sigh...

I have to admit that I kinda understand his feelings because I often feel the same way. All these emotions just get stuck inside and then you reach this tipping point where one little (usually completely unrelated) thing sets you off into a crying, screaming mess. All week Hunter has been extra sensitive about missing his daddy. I don't know why this week is worse than last, or if he heard or thought of something that has got him upset, but it has been a constant battle for him this week. Take yesterday for example. I was co-hosting a baby shower for a dear friend and Hunter was invited to hang out with the men and kids from our small group. They went to Cabela's, played arcade games and had lunch at Panera (Hunter's choice!). He had a great time and I am so blessed to have men that are willing to invest time in Hunter while Ben is away. As soon as I got home Hunter asked to go to the park to play football. I quickly changed out of high heels and into tennis shoes and we went to the park. About 2 minutes into our football game Hunter sat down in the grass and put his head in his hands. I went over and asked him what was wrong. "I miss daddy." Again, sigh... Mom's can't play football like dad can.

That's just one example of how the whole week has gone. And it's wearing on me too. Boy is it tough to be a parent. And man is it ever tough to be both parents! What a reminder of the beautiful thing that God has created in marriage. And to any of you who are a single parent for any reason, YOU ROCK.

One thing that has really been impressed upon me over and over this week is that I am so grateful that God knows what is best for us. I don't know how I would have made it through with another child, especially one that had some issues of his own. What a beautiful mess we live in.

The other thing that I keep realizing is exactly how blessed I really am. I am so blessed to have a husband who is so amazing. I'm so blessed that he is a wonderful father to our son and that Hunter can't wait to have his daddy back home with him. I am so blessed to be surrounded by the most amazing people who love on us and are willing to take care of us even when we aren't lovely. I am so blessed in so many, many countless ways. I don't want to let the tough times overshadow the blessings. I want to take the hard days and use them to make the blessings shine.

Please keep praying for all of us, that Hunter's little heart doesn't hurt so much. That Ben is home safely, and soon.

We love you all,

B, E & H