Our new normal

So now that life has calmed down from all the craziness of the summer and school has started I'm struggling to find "normal" again. In some ways I feel like everything we have just gone through has sort of shaken my world so much that I just can't seem to settle back into a routine. It's really difficult to explain, but I guess I just sort of feel like there is now good way to go through something big and emotionally draining like that and not come out as a different person. That's kind of where I'm at now. Just trying to discover exactly who I am, what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

A year ago I imagined that by now we would have added at least one more child to our family. It's almost surreal to me that I have been doing this blog thing for 14 months now. When I started chronicling our journey this way it was mostly because we had a feeling that we were heading toward adoption. Now I honestly have no idea where we are heading, but as usual I am going to try to enjoy this crazy ride.

It's been a challenging couple of weeks around here. Thank goodness, not challenging in the way that this adoption business has been challenging. I don't think I could handle much more of that! No, instead I have just been feeling so attacked. Which isn't unusual at all during deployments, but boy am I glad that all of this stuff waited until AFTER the situation with V was over. Praise Jesus for miracles like that!

Anyway, lately it just seems like everything is falling apart. And I do mean that literally. I think that the first thing was that my lawn mower decided not to work. Argh. At least it hasn't rained and the grass is dead and I have the most AWESOME neighbors that took care of one final mowing for me.

Then the truck died. Oh, the truck. Let me preface this by saying that Ben's truck and I have a love-hate relationship. Except that it's mostly just hate. Ha!  But seriously, this truck and I just don't get along very well and so the prospect of caring for it while Ben was gone was quite a daunting task for me. In case you haven't seen this thing, let me try to explain a little better. The truck (a.k.a. Brutus) was once a 1999 Toyota 4runner. Now it's part 4runner, part monster truck and mostly a big pain that requires a whole lotta maintenance. I've been taking Brutus for a drive once a week just to keep him running and all of that. When I went to drive him a week or two ago he didn't start. At all. It's times like this that I am so grateful that Ben has learned so much about vehicles and my dad is a guru as well. After running some diagnostics (and feeling quite impressed with myself that I could test the alternator, check for shorts in the wires AND replace and recharge the battery) I still had no idea. Let me also mention that in order to even open the hood I have to get up on the ladder. Pretty sure my neighbors all think that I am nuts since I have been standing on a ladder, rummaging under the hood of this crazy truck for the past week or so. After mustering up all my vehicle knowledge I convinced Autozone to replace the battery for me since it is under warranty still. So far it seems that fixed the problem. Woohoo!

Next it was the washing machine. It's making crazy noises. One swift kick and the noises miraculously stopped! Yay! Me - 1, Washing Machine - 0. I'm hoping that it was just unbalanced and will remain better now. I guess only time will tell!

Then Ben's computer crashed. Completely dead. So now we have to use calling cards to talk, or he can go and use the phones that the Army provides, but you only get 10 minutes and it just makes it hard to even talk when you're just waiting for the little voice to come on and say, "this call will end in 30 seconds." We knew his computer was having some issues but we were really hoping that it would just hang on through this deployment. Sigh...

Imagine my surprise when I pulled out of my driveway this afternoon and noticed that Brutus had a super flat tire. Really, the truck hates me. This evening I managed to get it filled up to about 15 psi and tomorrow I will see if it has held any of the air. If it has I'll fight with it to see if I can get it to fill up the rest of the way. I have no idea what was going on with it tonight but the air compressor seemed to be running on fumes (which is impossible since it's electric!)

I can't wait to see what surprises are in store for me next week!

Sometimes it's really hard being the one who has to take care of everything while Ben is away. Oh, who am I kidding, it's ALWAYS hard. I can't wait for my hubby to get back. I'm sure things break just as often when he's here but it just somehow seems so much more manageable when I'm not the only one who can take care of it.

And just so you don't think that I'm completely whining, let me wrap this up by saying that I love this life. It's a mess, and it's hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am so incredibly proud of my husband and what he does. He is amazing and I am so proud to be an Army wife! It is an honor to serve beside him and I wouldn't want it any other way! HOOAH!

Love you all!

B, E & H

P.S. I should have also mentioned that I am sooooooooo grateful for the opportunity to miss my hubby and to really appreciate what he does for our family! Love that man!!!