While talking with Ben last night about the CRAZY information that I got yesterday I realized the best way to describe this journey so far is driving with a blindfold on. That's what I feel like we have been doing for the past year. Driving blindly, wildly through an unknown route just hoping against all odds that we will get where we need to be. Jokingly Ben noted that we must be driving a vehicle with steel bumpers because we somehow keep hitting walls and obstacles and yet we bounce off and keep going, even if it is in a slightly different direction. There is certainly some truth in that!
Yesterday was a busy day. One of those days where I literally ran from one thing to the next and tried to make sure that everything and everyone stayed happy in the process. Most of it was fun stuff, but it was just a super busy kind of day. By the time 4:00 rolled around we had accomplished a LOT and I was ready to just take a few minutes off, get ready for my evening event and relax for a second. And then the phone rang. Forty five minutes later I finished that conversation, got dressed for my holiday extravaganza, bolted out the door and at 10:00 last night I finally had the chance to talk to Ben and process the information I was given.
The phone call in the afternoon happened to be a wonderful man who works for WARE (Washington Adoption Resource Exchange). He answered a LOT of questions and showed me that we have been way off track this whole time. The very abbreviated version of the conversation helped me realize that our home study is essentially useless. Yes, you read that right. Wasted time and money and we are back where we began. Little did we know that in order to adopt from the state we would need a home study written by a state licensed placing agency. Our home study would allow us to adopt through an attorney, from a birth mother, essentially a private adoption. The problem is that we aren't seeking a private adoption and since we have never done this before we naturally had no idea what questions we needed to ask before we had the home study done. We did have a licensed social worker write the study, but it turns out that the agency that he operates under is not state licensed. Who knew? The man I spoke with yesterday was wonderfully kind about it and he told us that we were certainly not alone in making this mistake. The frustrating part is that we were open with our home study writer about what we were trying to accomplish, and I and really wish that he had been honest with us about the fact that his home study would not be able to help us. I also feel deceived because we specifically asked if we could be registered in WARE after the home study was completed and he assured us that it would be no problem. What a sad, sad world we live in.
So, now what? The positive thing that came out of my phone conversation yesterday is that we now have a lot more direction then we have had since we began this process. Basically, we have two choices: we can become foster licensed and attempt to find children through that route or we can work with an agency who will help us find children. We had already begun to find that we were most likely going to need to do this, but it is nice to know for a fact that these are our only options. Now we have to do a lot of research and try to figure out which one we want to pursue. It is going to have to be mostly based on which is going to be the quickest route, although we are still praying that God will be able to keep us here long enough to get everything figured out. Today while Hunter is at school I am going to call the foster licensing agency that we have already been speaking with and make sure that the paperwork that we need is on its way. I'm also going to contact two agencies that may be able to help us and see if that seems like a better option.
As frustrating as all of this is, I know that it is for a reason. Honestly, I can't even begin to imagine where we will end up, but I know that it will be worth the wait in the end. As Ben and I talked through all of this information last night, we pondered why we hadn't just become foster licensed back in the spring when we did our PRIDE training through Tacoma Youth for Christ. We quickly realized that at that time we were only open to one child who was younger than Hunter and we were essentially asking for the impossible so there was no real point in becoming foster licensed. Wow, how things have changed. I feel like we have continually been challenged through each step of the way. First, we were looking for one healthy newborn, then a healthy toddler. After a while we began to think that perhaps a set of two young children wouldn't be so bad. God really challenged us by presenting us with a 4 year old boy who had some very real special needs, and we realized that we may be open to a child with some challenges. After a while we found that we didn't really care about birth order and that Hunter would probably love older siblings, so we could take children that are a bit older. Now we have been praying about maybe looking at a set of three children! Oh, we have been challenged. And through the challenge we have quickly come to see that it is not about us. This is not at all about what we want. It is not about what is most comfortable and what is easy. This is about who needs rescued and who needs loved. We have experienced all these delays for a reason and I am excited to see what will happen!
Thank you for all of your prayers for us. Please continue to pray. Pray for wisdom and clarity as we determine what the next step will be. Pray for our children, we know that they are out there somewhere just waiting to come home to us. Pray for peace for us as we try to sort through this all and see where we are being led. It sure feels good to take off the blindfold and begin to see the road, but after all of this time driving with a blindfold on we have no idea where we are and how to get where we are going!
Love you all, thank you for loving us too!!!
B, E & H
Friday, December 2, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Where do we go from here?
Well...
I feel like I have so much to say but I don't even know where to begin. First, we did get our home study completed so we are officially home study ready! It was a HUGE relief to know that we have made it this far and that we are finally getting close to bringing home the newest member(s) of our family.
The relief of having the home study complete was quickly overshadowed by the fact that we had no idea where to go from here. I had incorrectly assumed that upon completion of our home study our home study writer would have the ability to register us in WARE, giving us the ability to search for waiting children and also giving social workers throughout the state the ability to find and contact us. Apparently things have changed and as of right now we are still waiting on an answer concerning whether or not we will be able to be registered in WARE. Without it we have no real way of connecting with children or social workers and essentially rendering our home study useless. I honestly can't even begin to explain how disappointed and frustrated we are at this point in the process.
We had eventually given up on the idea of using an agency to help us with the adoption after the advice of many people and agencies along with the fact that so many agencies didn't want to work with us because of the time constraints (we honestly don't know how long the Army will allow us to stay at Fort Lewis). At the time it wasn't a problem but from what I am now being told Pierce County (our county) has recently gotten rid of their foster to adopt program and so there is a lot of confusion about what is going on with that. As I understand it (and I don't understand it at all...) what it means is that state social workers will no longer facilitate the adoption of children in the foster care system, thus forcing any parents who are wanting to adopt children who are in the foster system to use an agency. This is a HUGE problem for us as we don't have an agency and are not currently foster licensed.
Right now I am waiting to hear back from the social worker who wrote our home study. He will be able to verify whether or not we can be registered in WARE. After we hear from him I'm hoping to have a clearer picture of what we need to do next, but right now I feel like we are just floundering. I have no idea where to go and what to do. We may need to start finding an agency who will work with us, we may need to become foster licensed... we have no idea what it will take, but we will do anything and everything that we have to in order to make this work!
Please pray as we continue forward in this process. Pray that we can figure out how to work our way through this system. If we have to hire an agency please pray that we choose the right one and that things move QUICKLY! And most importantly please pray for all the children who are caught up in this mess of foster care because they are the ones that are truly suffering through all of this.
One positive that has come out of this for us is that it has refreshed our passion for the children in the foster system and reminded us just how much they need to be able to be in a "forever family."
Love you all,
B, E & H
I feel like I have so much to say but I don't even know where to begin. First, we did get our home study completed so we are officially home study ready! It was a HUGE relief to know that we have made it this far and that we are finally getting close to bringing home the newest member(s) of our family.
The relief of having the home study complete was quickly overshadowed by the fact that we had no idea where to go from here. I had incorrectly assumed that upon completion of our home study our home study writer would have the ability to register us in WARE, giving us the ability to search for waiting children and also giving social workers throughout the state the ability to find and contact us. Apparently things have changed and as of right now we are still waiting on an answer concerning whether or not we will be able to be registered in WARE. Without it we have no real way of connecting with children or social workers and essentially rendering our home study useless. I honestly can't even begin to explain how disappointed and frustrated we are at this point in the process.
We had eventually given up on the idea of using an agency to help us with the adoption after the advice of many people and agencies along with the fact that so many agencies didn't want to work with us because of the time constraints (we honestly don't know how long the Army will allow us to stay at Fort Lewis). At the time it wasn't a problem but from what I am now being told Pierce County (our county) has recently gotten rid of their foster to adopt program and so there is a lot of confusion about what is going on with that. As I understand it (and I don't understand it at all...) what it means is that state social workers will no longer facilitate the adoption of children in the foster care system, thus forcing any parents who are wanting to adopt children who are in the foster system to use an agency. This is a HUGE problem for us as we don't have an agency and are not currently foster licensed.
Right now I am waiting to hear back from the social worker who wrote our home study. He will be able to verify whether or not we can be registered in WARE. After we hear from him I'm hoping to have a clearer picture of what we need to do next, but right now I feel like we are just floundering. I have no idea where to go and what to do. We may need to start finding an agency who will work with us, we may need to become foster licensed... we have no idea what it will take, but we will do anything and everything that we have to in order to make this work!
Please pray as we continue forward in this process. Pray that we can figure out how to work our way through this system. If we have to hire an agency please pray that we choose the right one and that things move QUICKLY! And most importantly please pray for all the children who are caught up in this mess of foster care because they are the ones that are truly suffering through all of this.
One positive that has come out of this for us is that it has refreshed our passion for the children in the foster system and reminded us just how much they need to be able to be in a "forever family."
Love you all,
B, E & H
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
What's in a name?
So, as I finished up a study on covenants in the Bible, I came to an interesting realization. I already did a post on how we are all children of God, and what that means, but as I studied covenant I realized how important our name is in relation to God as His children. Let me explain:
When God takes us into covenant He changes us and also changes our name. There are many Biblical examples of this from Abraham (formerly Abram), Sarah (formerly Sarai) and many of the disciples and apostles. Looking at other passages we find that God told the nation of Israel that they would be called by a new name (Isaiah 62:1-2). Furthermore, we are told in Revelation 2:17 that "To him who overcomes... I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him." So even though we may not be aware of our name change if we are in covenant with God, we will find out in heaven the name that He has given us! Wow!
You are probably wondering why in the world I'm giving you a lesson on covenant and name changing, but I promise that I do have a point to make! In our society today we see echos of this practice of name changing, the most common is in marriage. Often the wife will take the last name of the man she marries as a sign of their marriage covenant. I really found it to be so neat that when we finalize the adoption of whatever children God gives to us, they will take our last name as a covenant that we will always be their parents, just as God changes our names when we become His. Maybe you don't find that to be quite as interesting as I did, but in a way it made me realize just how much God must love us that he will name each of us Himself, just as we give our own children a name. And what a beautiful picture of love that we can share our last name with some of God's children!
Well, thanks for reading my rambling! Sometimes I think that this blog is more for myself than it is for anyone else because it gives me a place to record some of the crazy thoughts that often run through my head. If you enjoy reading them, I'm sure glad! And if you don't, well... just scan through to see where we are in the process and go back to whatever else you were doing. I promise that I won't be offended. :)
As a side note, yesterday I approved the final draft of our home study! This is HUGE news, except that ultimately nothing has changed because I never got a final copy or any information concerning our registration in WARE. And naturally, when I called this afternoon to ask about all of that no one answered the phone. So, as soon as I know that we are home study ready I promise that I will let you all know! In the meantime, be praying that things begin to move quickly because we are beginning to get a little nervous that we may not be able to finalize an adoption before the Army decides to send us somewhere else. But for now we just have to trust that if God has led us to it, He will get us through it!
Love you all!
B, E & H
When God takes us into covenant He changes us and also changes our name. There are many Biblical examples of this from Abraham (formerly Abram), Sarah (formerly Sarai) and many of the disciples and apostles. Looking at other passages we find that God told the nation of Israel that they would be called by a new name (Isaiah 62:1-2). Furthermore, we are told in Revelation 2:17 that "To him who overcomes... I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him." So even though we may not be aware of our name change if we are in covenant with God, we will find out in heaven the name that He has given us! Wow!
You are probably wondering why in the world I'm giving you a lesson on covenant and name changing, but I promise that I do have a point to make! In our society today we see echos of this practice of name changing, the most common is in marriage. Often the wife will take the last name of the man she marries as a sign of their marriage covenant. I really found it to be so neat that when we finalize the adoption of whatever children God gives to us, they will take our last name as a covenant that we will always be their parents, just as God changes our names when we become His. Maybe you don't find that to be quite as interesting as I did, but in a way it made me realize just how much God must love us that he will name each of us Himself, just as we give our own children a name. And what a beautiful picture of love that we can share our last name with some of God's children!
Well, thanks for reading my rambling! Sometimes I think that this blog is more for myself than it is for anyone else because it gives me a place to record some of the crazy thoughts that often run through my head. If you enjoy reading them, I'm sure glad! And if you don't, well... just scan through to see where we are in the process and go back to whatever else you were doing. I promise that I won't be offended. :)
As a side note, yesterday I approved the final draft of our home study! This is HUGE news, except that ultimately nothing has changed because I never got a final copy or any information concerning our registration in WARE. And naturally, when I called this afternoon to ask about all of that no one answered the phone. So, as soon as I know that we are home study ready I promise that I will let you all know! In the meantime, be praying that things begin to move quickly because we are beginning to get a little nervous that we may not be able to finalize an adoption before the Army decides to send us somewhere else. But for now we just have to trust that if God has led us to it, He will get us through it!
Love you all!
B, E & H
Sunday, November 13, 2011
A glimmer of hope
So, we did see a draft of our home study late on Thursday night. Praise God for small miracles! There were a few things that needed to be fixed and I emailed off those corrections on Friday morning and so now we just have to wait for the final draft to come out. I am praying that all the corrections will be made and that we will be registered in WARE by the end of this week! Okay, honestly I'm praying for Monday but I know that it would take a genuine miracle for that to happen, so I will be content with having it done by the end of the week.
Ben will be out all week, playing Soldier in the field, so Hunter and I will be keeping busy by continuing to organize the house to empty out our spare bedroom closet. We have a few play dates set up this week as well and we are excited to just spend some time catching up with friends! We had a wonderful weekend just spending time as a family, having a "camp-in" and going off-roading. It is always such a blessing when Ben gets a long weekend because then it seems like we actually get to spend time together instead of just running around getting ready for the week.
Thanks for keeping up with us, and I promise to keep you posted on the status of our home study!
Love,
B, E & H
Ben will be out all week, playing Soldier in the field, so Hunter and I will be keeping busy by continuing to organize the house to empty out our spare bedroom closet. We have a few play dates set up this week as well and we are excited to just spend some time catching up with friends! We had a wonderful weekend just spending time as a family, having a "camp-in" and going off-roading. It is always such a blessing when Ben gets a long weekend because then it seems like we actually get to spend time together instead of just running around getting ready for the week.
Thanks for keeping up with us, and I promise to keep you posted on the status of our home study!
Love,
B, E & H
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tomorrow?
After calling AGAIN, I finally received a call back from our home study place. And naturally I was vacuuming and missed the call. Argh! Anyway, she said that they would work on our home study tomorrow and we would get the draft tomorrow or Thursday. I feel like I should dress up like little orphan Annie and go around singing "Tomorrow, tomorrow, we'll get it, tomorrow... it's only a day away!" I'm not going to hold my breath though...
So, today we are going to make some pumpkin bread, maybe visit the park, have a pot roast for dinner, thank God for the sunshine and try not to dwell on "tomorrow!"
Love you, and keep the prayers coming!!! (Especially the ones for patience, okay?)
B, E & H
So, today we are going to make some pumpkin bread, maybe visit the park, have a pot roast for dinner, thank God for the sunshine and try not to dwell on "tomorrow!"
Love you, and keep the prayers coming!!! (Especially the ones for patience, okay?)
B, E & H
Monday, November 7, 2011
Beautiful!
As you may have guessed by the fact that I have been silent, we are still waiting. I called the home study place on Friday afternoon and left a message. I called them again today and was told that I should get a call tomorrow morning letting me know where they are on the home study. To be honest, I'm struggling to trust God and to trust that the writer of our home study knows what he is doing! I realize that there are many families waiting and wanting their home study completed, but it feels like we are soooooooooooo close, yet not close enough. I just have to be content with knowing that God has a child or children in mind for our family and no one will stand in the way of His will for those children.
While we wait I have been doing a lot of reading. One book I read is Wait no More by Kelli and John Rosati. It was a quick read but it really helped clarify in my mind that we are on the right path. We know that this is not going to be easy, but the more that we learn about the foster system and the children who become a part of it, the more it becomes painfully obvious that we can't turn our backs on these children. Yes, they will come with baggage. Lots of baggage. And yes, they will be scarred, scared, defiant, hurt, broken, bruised, grieving, sad, angry, bitter and so much more. Can you blame them? These kids have been abandoned, neglected, and abused. Not all of them were intentionally hurt. Some of the parents struggle with mental health issues, drug addictions and circumstances that are beyond their control. But that doesn't change the reality that these children need to be LOVED. God doesn't call us to love the lovely. He doesn't ask us to love those who love us in return. Instead we are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matt. 5:44). Do you know what follows this verse? (When I looked it up it made me smile!) That you may be children of your Father in heaven (Matt. 5:45). WOW. God wants us to love the unlovable just as He loves us and ADOPTS us into HIS family!!! I know that this is going to be a long and tough road. We are going to have our hearts broken when we love a child who isn't yet able to love us back. But this is what we are called to do. Isn't it beautiful???
So, who do you need to love?
B, E & H
While we wait I have been doing a lot of reading. One book I read is Wait no More by Kelli and John Rosati. It was a quick read but it really helped clarify in my mind that we are on the right path. We know that this is not going to be easy, but the more that we learn about the foster system and the children who become a part of it, the more it becomes painfully obvious that we can't turn our backs on these children. Yes, they will come with baggage. Lots of baggage. And yes, they will be scarred, scared, defiant, hurt, broken, bruised, grieving, sad, angry, bitter and so much more. Can you blame them? These kids have been abandoned, neglected, and abused. Not all of them were intentionally hurt. Some of the parents struggle with mental health issues, drug addictions and circumstances that are beyond their control. But that doesn't change the reality that these children need to be LOVED. God doesn't call us to love the lovely. He doesn't ask us to love those who love us in return. Instead we are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matt. 5:44). Do you know what follows this verse? (When I looked it up it made me smile!) That you may be children of your Father in heaven (Matt. 5:45). WOW. God wants us to love the unlovable just as He loves us and ADOPTS us into HIS family!!! I know that this is going to be a long and tough road. We are going to have our hearts broken when we love a child who isn't yet able to love us back. But this is what we are called to do. Isn't it beautiful???
So, who do you need to love?
B, E & H
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Prayers, please!
Yesterday I got in touch with the social worker for a particular sibling group that we have had our eye on for quite a while now. I honestly don't know what details I can or cannot share with you, so all I will say for now is that these children need our prayers. Ben and I are hoping that these two may be our "forever children" although it seems like the odds are against us, but either way can you please be in prayer for them? Specifically, pray that the judge will be given wisdom to make the right decision about whether the children should be sent home to be with their mother or if they need to terminate all parental rights and find an adoptive home for them. It will be a couple of weeks before we hear anything again (and that is assuming that their court date doesn't change by then) but I wanted to have this situation bathed in prayer!
We are still waiting to hear back on our home study, but it should be finalized very soon! We are so excited to feel like we are finally making some progress.
Thanks for joining us on our journey!
B, E & H
We are still waiting to hear back on our home study, but it should be finalized very soon! We are so excited to feel like we are finally making some progress.
Thanks for joining us on our journey!
B, E & H
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