So, here is where we stand right now. The (amazing!) foster parents are willing to keep caring for V while all of this stuff gets sorted out. We all agree that it really wouldn't benefit V to transfer him to our home right now for numerous reasons, the top reason being that he has a difficult time with change and there are many changes happening right now for him so a new home, family, school, etc. is certainly not in his best interest at this particular time. Honestly, it is so heartbreaking to see how the system works and how the rights of family members are granted priority over the rights and needs of the child or children involved. Not to mention the rights and needs of the family who has been caring for this child for nearly half his life!
V is at our house right now and has been here since yesterday afternoon. It was pretty horrible timing because he arrived not long before a lot of this stuff came to light and so it has been a pretty rough time. I'm trying my best to make everything as normal as possible for both boys, but I have asked the foster parents if we can cut this visit short (he was supposed to stay until Tuesday evening) because I just need some time to process all of this and figure out how to explain to Hunter that V won't be moving in with us like we expected. It's going to be a pretty hard blow for Hunter, especially since Daddy is gone too. If I had any idea that this would happen I would never have told Hunter that V was coming to live with us, but at the time there was no question that it was happening and it also helped Hunter feel a little better about not having his Daddy around. However, this has been a huge shock to everyone involved and so there isn't much we can do to change what has already happened.
As much as I have tried to keep things "normal" around here, it has been a rough weekend. Hearing and seeing these two boys playing together has changed from beautiful to feeling like rubbing salt in an open wound. We adore this child and want so badly for him to be with us, but right now I just need a break to process and figure out how to take this all in. I'm sure the boys can sense my frustration as well as tonight V had a rough time. As I noted before, he has difficulty with adaptibility and transition and tonight was no exception. He became upset with me because I apparently chose underwear that he didn't like, and the night ended with him spitting his medicine on me, kicking, screaming... not exactly a lot of fun. And I'm sad to say that I was far more frustrated with him than I would like to admit, but it just solidifies in my mind the fact that we all need to step back and figure this out. Although it took FOREVER for both boys to get settled into bed tonight, we made it there and I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a new day for all of us. It certainly doesn't help that it is almost 80 degrees in my house at nearly midnight.
Right now the plan is to keep having visits with V, but not put a timeline on if and when he will move in with our family. This accomplishes a few things. First, it lets us continue to get to know him and let him become more comfortable with our home and family. Second, it gives the foster parents a little break here and there. Third, it keeps us available to be an adoptive home for him if and when the need arises. The downfall is that by doing this we can't guarantee that we will have the opportunity to adopt V (or any other child for that matter) in whatever time we have left in Washington state. Obviously, our goal was not to be foster parents, but to be adoptive parents. However, we really enjoy this child and would love to be available to him if he needs a forever family. Also, I feel like the stress of all this, combined with the deployment, is enough for right now and taking another (different) child into our home right now is just not something that sounds appealing or smart. I know that it will be really difficult for Hunter to deal with the fact that V isn't going to be moving in soon, and I just don't think that it is fair to put any more loss on him right now. And quite frankly, I don't know how much more I can handle either. So, for the good of everyone involved it makes sense to wait this out, provide care for V when we can, and see what happens from there. From what I have been told we are realistically looking at about 6 months or so before we will know anything much.
I hope I explained that well, and I hope that you all don't think less of us because we aren't going to rush into finding another potential placement. I'm not yet ready to give up on this one, and I just don't feel like it's fair to anyone to start over right now.
We are just going to take this one day at a time, and I'm trying to be strong for Hunter's sake. My heart is broken, and not just for myself but also for Hunter, for this child, for V's family, for the foster parents who want what is best for V... the list goes on. I have literally felt physically ill over this since I first heard that things were happening with this case. I knew that adoption wouldn't be easy, but part of me thought that maybe the biggest hurdle right now would be doing it on my own. Guess I was sorely mistaken!
Please be praying for everyone involved in this. Pray for a quick resolution. And if it's God's will that there is a way for this sweet boy to be with his family, that would be amazing! It would be so neat to witness a miracle and see this child returned "home" if everyone is capable and willing to care for him. Really, that would be ideal. But, if that isn't going to happen I pray that it becomes apparent quickly so that he can be placed in a permanent home where he can learn to feel safe and secure and overcome some of these adaptive issues that he has.
Love you all,
B, E & H
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