Picking up the pieces

So, while "officially" I am still being told by my agency that we are a the prospective adoptive family for V, I have plenty of unofficial information saying otherwise. It is unbelievably frustrating to know that somewhere there is a major miscommunication and I don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping that it's unintentional, but it's kind of difficult to believe how that could be. So, while I'm waiting for that to get sorted out I have been making strides to move forward with life as "normal." Whatever that is.

Today Hunter and I did some major cleaning and organizing and one of our big projects was to put away all of the clothes and stuff that I had taken out for V. We took down V's library reading chart and cleaned his toys out of the cubby in his bunk bed. It was so sad to put it all away, but yet I really needed to take down a lot of those little reminders of what we don't have so that I can keep focusing on what we do have.

Trying to focus on the present has been a struggle for me (I can't help it! I always want to hurry along to the next big thing) but it has been a rewarding struggle so far. On Friday I promised Hunter that we would spend a few hours together, just him and I. I put the phone down and didn't answer a single call or text. Hunter wanted to pull out a science kit that he had gotten for Christmas and we did all sorts of great little experiments together (only my kid, right?). But the best part was just spending time with this incredible little boy that I am so blessed to call my own! It has been far too long since I have just sat down and enjoyed being with him. I really need to do that more. And if you are a parent, you probably should as well! These kids grow up so quickly and I don't want to miss anymore of these precious moments.

Hunter starts kindergarten on Thursday (eek!!!) so we have been scrambling to get all of his stuff together. I just found out that he will have afternoon class, and while I'm a little disappointed it will be just fine. I'm quickly filling up my time with lots of volunteer work which makes my heart so happy. With all of the craziness of the adoption world I hadn't felt comfortable signing up for something that I knew I wouldn't be able to fully commit to. Now I have some freedom and I am so excited to be able to give my time to things that I believe in! I'm the new treasurer for the brigade FRG (family readiness group), helping out with AWANA, thinking about doing PTA, maybe taking another class and hopefully helping a friend launch a non-profit in honor of her husband. And I'm sure that there is more to come! It feels good to finally feel a little freedom in my ability to jump in and do some stuff like that. For the past couple years it has felt like my life has been on hold while we waited to see what would happen next, but now I have to admit that there is finally a little bit of light at the end of this tunnel. And I can't wait to see where it will lead!

That's life in a nutshell right now. Confusion, chaos, sadness and some hope. Thank God for the hope.

 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. 

It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,  

where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. 

Hebrews 6:19-20a

Love,

B, E & H