Contentment

Here's a confession. I am one of those people. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that are always trying to be perfect, control freak, over-achieve at everything, never satisfied with anything. That's me.

Here's another confession... I don't want to be like that anymore. It's amazing how much this incredibly crazy journey toward adoption has changed my view of life in general. In many ways I don't even feel like the same person that started this ride 18 months ago. There have been soooooooooo many lessons that Ben and I have both learned along the way, but the biggest lesson, the one that I needed so desperately is this:

BE CONTENT

Not just settle for whatever you are handed. Not just make due with what you have been given. No. Instead, really, truly, with every fiber of your being learn to embrace and love the life that you have been given. 

We have made so many mistakes along this road so far, but the mistake that we need to correct the most is that we need to be content. Stop searching for something that will "fill a void" or "make us complete." We already have that. Christ has already given us everything we could ever ask for. We need to set aside all selfishness and greed and rest in His abundance which He pours out for us daily. What a concept, huh?

I had already been mulling over this idea when lo and behold our pastor preached an entire sermon today on this very topic. God sure knows how to meet us right where we are. A few things that were said today really caught my attention and I would love to pass them along to you. First, discontentment is about ignoring the beauty of what you do have while fixating on what you don't have. Ouch! My mind is racing back through all of my thoughts, actions, blog posts... I am pretty certain that I have not done very well at this. I am so incredibly blessed with an amazing, heroic, selfless husband and the most adorable, caring son. We have a wonderful marriage and lack for nothing. And yet, here I am focusing on the fact that we would love to bring another child in to our home (certainly not a crime) while completely overlooking the beautiful family that God has so graciously provided me with. What a reality check. My desire to grow our family is in no way wrong, but the way that I was viewing what I had been given already was completely out of line.

A second thing that really struck a chord with me is that contentment is learned. Now stick with me here for a moment. Can it be true? Are we really naturally discontent? I'd have to say that the answer (unfortunately!) is yes! Wow. It's so sad that here we live in the richest country in the world, and have so much and yet we find ourselves always wanting more and more. I want to break out of that. I want to learn to be content with what I have. I want to learn the secret of being content in any situation, no matter how bleak the outcome may look.

Finally, contentment is not a lack of ambition. There is a difference between laziness and contentment. Laziness is apathy toward your situation. Contentment is finding the joy in what you have. There is room to be excited, to be ambitious, but yet be content.

So, what now? For me, the answer is just enjoy life. I want to relish every moment I have with my family. I want to spend more time playing with Hunter. I want to go on dates with my husband and not talk about the future, or adoption, but just enjoy being together and living in the moment. I want to know what true contentment feels like. Want to know what the most encouraging thing about contentment is? The thing that really gets me excited? Being content gives me permission to give God all the control and know that He is good and he will take care of me. It lets me break out of the mindset that I have to be perfect. Instead, I can rest in His perfection. Oh happy day!!!

It's funny. You'd think that after all of the craziness that we have gone through in the past couple months that I would be at a peak of discontentment, but I'm not. At first I was pretty discouraged, but strangely that discouragement slowly morphed into a newfound freedom and excitement. A sense that for the first time in a long time I could focus on what I enjoy and what makes me happy. Now that I didn't have to focus on paperwork, reading books on how to care for children who have been broken down by the world, frantically finishing up classes, juggling social workers, you get the idea... Now that I was relieved of some of that I felt free to be myself and for the first time in a long time I felt content. I'm excited to see what God has in store for us next!

I have no idea what the future will hold. I don't know if we will have to move shortly after Ben gets back from Afghanistan, I don't know if and when we will be adding more kids into our family. I don't even know what we are having for dinner tomorrow! But I do know this much: God is good. And I can rely on Him no matter what happens. This, and this alone, is what makes me content.

Love you all,

B, E & H

I have learned that in whatever situation I am to be content. 

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. 

In any and every circumstance,

 I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, 

abundance and need. 

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Phillipians 4:11b-13